Graciously, My Grace Is Gone

Somewhere last night between the rain-soaked moments while slipping out to the saloon’s side patio in the brick alley between rounds so MaxPower could sneak a smoke, a conversation awoke.

After we purged ourselves of professional anxiety, we helped each other repel down to those visions of dreams fulfilled.

I talked about Book of Blues; he talked about fulfilling his potential. I drifted off into memories that inspired the book when Max stopped me.

“You know, to be honest with you..”

And my heart sunk. It felt like heartburn, but that might also have been because of tequila. Either way, Max holds my career future in his hands. Moreso, he holds my self confidence in a folder at his house. I was afraid he was going to say, “I really threw up a little after the first 2 chapters and don’t want to read that shit anymore.” It was enough to start preparing me for the worst.

As he covered his mug with his hand to protect his beverage from being polluted with more runoff from the saturated patio umbrella, Max finished his thought, “…you need to start thinking about this as a professional project and not a personal project so you can move on.”

I had to take a deep breath of the steam and let the fog out before I could speak, trying to pass the act off as hiccups. My wit caught up to me as he considered his foot-in-mouth statement.

“I know, I have to do the same.”

After my lack-of-faith was compressed again, I ingested his words and thought about them carefully…

Somehow in the last 2 years, I lost my grace. Once upon a time I had composure and moxie. Now it’s all locked in a box, resting on a fulcrum, waiting for the book to be ready to sell. I don’t know if i’m growing impatient or have been suppressing too much of myself, but either way – as Dave Matthews once wrote – my grace is gone.

And I’m grateful for it. It gives me a starting point. And that means a revival is around the corner – and revivals get crazy for all the wrong, right reasons.

This is why Max Power is my spiritual leader.

Last updated by Finn at August 10, 2020.